The Heart’s Three Infamous Positive Energy Directives #6 – I Respect People Because of How Much I Hated Dr. Quandary The Edutainment Game

When I was in fifth grade, we would play edutainment games every week in the computer room.

They were meant for kids our age, they weren’t kindergarten games.

I wasn’t good at them. I always relied on my partner.

The things I could do on the Sega Genesis and things I could do on paper just never merged together. Everything was a bizarre blur.

At the end of The Secret Island of Dr. Quandary, you have to put a bunch of items into a magic pot so you can go back home or something.

We tried putting everything we collected in. But my partner realized that you can’t put everything in the pot.

You have to read the ingredient list and put mostly everything in instead.

I remember getting powerfully resentful. I remember thinking, it was ridiculous.

We’d already done everything. We’ve done the work. We did the tasks.

Why would they have to be so clever?

I’ve been ashamed of this for a while. And more recently, I’ve come to see,

I have had a heart easily weakened by the little miseries of getting anything done properly.

In many ways, I’m the embodiment of the difference between school and everything else.

I would guess a few other students might have seen needing to take things out of the pot

as an experience that provides a sense of strength inside one’s heart.

Having to undo things you’ve done so proudly, to make a problem out of some your solutions.

Figuring out a new way to not be exploited, to get out of strange situations.

To savor the discomfort of knowing you can’t just expect things to work out when they already feel over.

All you mentally developed people, all you strong willed people. You bear so much. You do so much. You win so much.

Because you can find gratification inside the mires of feeling like a human problem worth solving, of falling into and avoiding traps, and never feeling too secure in what actions you take.

You have so much strength. But….as I’ve come to mimic that strength, and feel that next-level joy which lets me overcome human will,

I’ve found it’s the most poorly articulated feeling of all.

And the cause of so much unfightable misery.

But it’s also a solution, I believe.

If we can feel how we feel.

When I look at how people are trying to fight the ills of backward cultures,

it’s like watching someone throw every ingredient they own into a pot.

You want an antidote to all those bad vibes carried over too far into the modern day?

Sometimes you have to resist making a fight out of everything, and keep the water just a little flavorless.

I do believe a few concessions on who must be allowed to say what, or who must be allowed to go where, might just be the key to finishing the recipe.

Perhaps with just the right little dilutions, there’s a real antidote for cultural intoxication, you know, that positive energy mindfuck that makes a person punish someone for doing something your average modern American considers completely permissible.

Sometimes making progress isn’t about throwing everything you are into something.

But rather, the alchemy of the neutralization of your rivals.

To really be like water and not poison to them.

To sap them of whatever makes them feel like a good old fashioned, well-intentioned down to earth, super good vibes dude.

That may be the modern quandary.

To mix together a softer touch that makes crappy cultures dissolve.

The Heart’s Three Infamous Positive Energy Directives #5 – In Spain, Bread Can’t Go Just Anywhere (A Sedative for Irresistible Good Manners)

I read an article recently about table manners in the country of Spain.

It’s a bit long-winded. I mean, there are a lot of rules.

The most interesting ones, to me, were about bread.

It’s a bit hard to explain exactly what you’re supposed to do with the bread.

Something involving keeping the bread separate from the rest of the plate, on the cloth or something.

Also, you can never ever dip the bread in anything. That’s just unheard of behavior there.

Also, it’s not abnormal to scoop up little pieces of food using a nearly finished piece of bread.

It’s not fancy, but not it’s not weird either.

I’m not going to verify any of this. It could be very different somewhere in España.

But it’s apparent to me,

that to them, bread needs to have its place, visually.

In Spain, bread is supposed to not be messed with in a certain way. It needs to retain a certain position. It’s got to be distinct from the rest of the meal. I guess you could say the bread has to be given some degree of respect.

And anyone who treats the bread like it’s any scrap of meat or vegetable or butter or what have you,

will definitely get looked at like they’re disrespecting the act of eating…supposedly.

It’s very hard to talk down a person trying to enforce table manners.

I’m sure some have conceded on various little matters depending on how motivated they are.

Like the exact placement of forks and knives.

But easy? Nah, it’s never easy.

There are some things people only give up after acquiring a headache.

There are some things people always feel weak after doing.

There are some things, that if you fail to defend, you’ll always feel at least a little bummed out.

And you won’t really be sure why.

That my friend, is the point at which any human being is at their most seriously sincere.

And those states are very likely to lead to outrage on the part of highly sane and civilized adults.

You could call it that “staring into space and wondering how I could possibly be considered wrong” sort of vibe.

What exactly would someone from somewhere

feel before defending the habits of

usage of bread upon a table?

Well, it’s the desire to hold up your positive energy, of course.

That very formal and civil feeling type of TRIGGERED a human can be.

That contrast between you and the stereotype of belligerence.

It’s so legitimate, and that’s the problem, it’s always been the problem.

Humans are just raring to go when they feel that they’ve sensed

somebody being deeply, truly, sincerely unhelpful.

And they’re almost always a little bit justified in that.

It’s where the cycle of strong, heinous behavior picks up steam and revs its engine.

Oh yeah, it’s all about becoming peaceful and refusing to let

that very well-adjusted part of you being spat on.

Hear me, world.

If you want the miracle of social interactions not sucking to finally happen, you’re going to need to remember these three things.

You’re gonna have to learn how to control yourself when every cell your brain is telling you you’re not egregious.

You’re gonna have to bend and adjust when it seems like the raw makeup of reality is telling you to act in a way that you know is extreme.

You’re going to have to become disapproving of yourself when you’ve attained a deliciously unique feeling human tension.

I don’t blame anyone for failing to reach that point. It’s really difficult to see! Really really really hard to see!

But is it really so radical in a world where we all watch TV together? More or less.

Can you think of a better proposal for the gap between the fictional world and the real one?

Why everyone feels they’re extracting good vibes from popular culture with so many shockingly different results?

Or why every chill and mellow philosophy seems to crumble as human desire shakes that friendly crap off of its beautiful ankles?

This is the one in a trillion statement you’ve been hoping to read.

This is the martial art of how to counter a person at their most difficult to stop.

When they feel like not committing to an action would sicken them completely.

You must make them believe that you believe they are deeply overwhelmed by positive energy,

you must make them sense you sense the way they pine over their own decisions.

And the way they know solutions come with problems.

The way they know that doing nothing is exploitable,

they way they know so little gets done without pushing past your childish comforts.


It charms the shit out of me how often we human beings enter such a state,

and how I really might be the first person to do a half-decent job at bottling that tremendous intensity.

I’m glad I’ve chosen to write about bread and table manners.

Because it’s a centrist thing, isn’t it?

Enforcing table manners is just as much about making things fair for everyone, as it is respecting those who came before you.

It’s the ultimate little act of progressive conservatism.

It’s all about the here and now and how to respect everyone, it’s all about the past and how to keep society stable.

If you know me well, I think liberals are bound to win on most fronts, and probably should.

But what the world could use more of is a moderate person who can flip the other moderate, average, boring people on their heads.

Someone who realizes that there’s absolute fucking tons of sincerity in little things like etiquette.

There’s so much really down to earth stuff going on in the most zealous traditionalists, I don’t mean that sarcastically.

If you can’t unwrap that sincerity,

if you can’t extract that functionality,

if you can’t dissect that actual big-hearted dignity,

people will remain in love with their own ideas about how a person must be,

and a better version of determining who really is crude and demeaning

and who is just trying to be happy at the expense of basically no one

will never be properly established.

What you my liberal friends need is raw insight into what makes a person feel totally good about who they are,

and what emotional power really is useful to them.


So why exactly would anyone raise a big stink over the positioning and placement of bread?

The Heart’s Three Infamous Positive Energy Directives, of course.

To see somebody be improper with their bread is to witness a problem.

You must confront that person, and thereby, create a problem, create a disruption.

You know this, but you know that most things you do can also have ill effects.

So it pumps up your heart to go for the gold and act.

The bread mistake maker doesn’t see themself as a problem,

is likely to get offended at being called problematic,

knowing that their behavior is inherently imperfect to begin with.

Perhaps it’s a bad tourist who’s gone past the point of their lives where being messy was an issue at the table.

They can so easily trigger you because of that.

You can feel them ready to experience a very adult and free-spirited sort of discomfort, in the act of defending their grain-based misdeeds.

It’s something that DISGUSTS you.

They could easily start chewing loudly and throwing food everywhere and it wouldn’t even be mental illness.

So how in the FUCK could you be the stereotype of a snooty debutante trying to prevent that sort of thing from happening?

And even when that isn’t enough, when the fury and madness isn’t enough,

you remember “it’s just a matter of the dinner table”.

“I’m just speaking up when we’re already committed to the act of consuming food formally”.

“It’s like years of doing the RIGHT THING are being made fun of.”

“This person will benefit from me doing this, even if it embarrasses them”

“I’m barely even doing anything at all”

So, basically, you feel like you’ve got the good and cool passive energy for a good cause

and the other person is so oblivious to their own passive energy that commits to a bad cause!

Solve the problem, make a problem, feel the friction, taste the friction.

Get uncomfortable, feel like an adult, prevent someone from even resembling

the type of whimsical joy that leads to people pissing everyone off.

Fight that which doubts its own ugliness.

Ugly comfort, ugly mischief, ugly laziness, ugly motivation, ugly pride, ugly shame!

You can’t just do nothing.

Don’t let the bread go to the center of the plate!

Validate that part of you that strives to be beautiful.

Lovely peace, lovely innovation, lovely relaxation, lovely desire, lovely self-esteem, lovely modesty!

Look at you.

You’re explosive.

Are you really what the world needs?

Is that feeling where your heart is made of orange-tinted rainbows

not exactly what makes everything so DIFFICULT?

This isn’t about wanting to end etiquette itself,

or getting rid of rules,

or disrespecting all the stuff that keeps a society neat and stable and joyful.



Because it is valid. It matters. It’s not that ugly. It’s not stupid.

It’s not worthless.

You want to be able to be peaceful. You want to not let that be taken advantage of.

You want to solve problems and do it well. You don’t want to be see as someone who has no passion for that.

You want to go beyond feeling like a comfortable child just getting what they beg for, or trying things out for the fuck of it.

Your actions feel deeply purposeful.

They feel positively charged.

And I guess they are.

There’s definitely lots of positive energy in trying to make someone behave properly.

Absolute shittons of benevolence.

Utter heaps of kindness.

Humanity’s challenge has been to find a way to put a collar on the neck of that.

That’s the point of all media!

To put a damper on the frenzy of validation.

Look at the diagram again.

Do you see now why nothing has worked yet?

Why all the go with the flow and be free of desire ideologies just never worked out anywhere all too well?

And all radical and justice-charged beliefs just haven’t worked a fraction as well as they said they would?

Resources misused terribly, people suffering in slums, no matter the captain.

All of it fails because they don’t wrangle the heart at its strongest.

We need a new fucking take.

We need a way to actually make a person turn back when their hearts find an utterly decent feeling pathway forward.

You, and all people want to feel like adults.

Not being exploited too savagely.

Not solving problems too problematically.

Not being comfortable too typically.

It all comes down to wanting your heart to feel big,

and you can only get that by following it.

Those three things I’ve outlined are what makes a person feel truly huge hearted,

far beyond high test scores, good food, and cute animal videos.

Think about what it’s like to watch somebody to do something innocuous but completely worth fighting,

like this fabled Spaniard against the defiled bread.

Think about that shrewd sensation in your cheeks that couldn’t possibly be unjustified, which you get when speaking up against someone who thinks they are no knave.

And go ahead and tame that in you.

Tame it! Do not be mystically enchanted by it!

Feel other people feeling that shrewdness, and work around that in others.

Do the fucking dance.

Catch the monster.

That is how “normal people” can prevent “deranged people” from even being a thing at all.

That is the formula of world peace.

Not a solution or an answer to everything.

Just a therapy vest

around your smart feeling chest.

Until then, we’re only waiting,

as the magic of fiction slowly enhances it, dubiously protecting us from nuclear warfare.

With big hearted monsters like you and me still at the helm.


I find the need to put bread in its place very charming, actually.

It’s got to be a really wonderfully human thing to do.

But some charming traits need to be evolved away for good.

Some good vibes need to be chained down by better ones.

I believe myself to be the closest thing to an actual good vibes sort of person.

Far from the kindest or most capable.

Just the least off the mark when I boast about being not awful to people.

When I say I want the world to resemble me more,

as does anyone,

it may actually be justified.

I would like to be surrounded by billions of people with such a grip on their hearts

to make me seem useless.

The Heart’s Three Infamous Positive Energy Directives #4 – Nobody is That Wound Up, When it Comes to The Tight Point of Modern Corsets

I’m not well versed enough in old style women’s underclothing

to figure exactly how much pleasure and suffering has ever been caused

by the wearing the item known as the corset.

The articles really don’t add up.

But I do know this,

that a lot of people wish they were never a thing,

a lot of people think they are classy and positive,

a lot of people were eager to wear them or make someone wear them,

a lot of bunch of people tolerated wearing them

a lot of people are glad they are an option,

and a lot of people think just them being an option is unhelpful.

I believe that people long to feel like they’re the ones with positive energy.

I would not doubt that when Billie Eilish uses a corset,

that the way she hides and not hides her body at once,

and the way she does something unusual but classical,

fills her with a sensation that feels very good vibes to her.

I would not doubt that people who object to her for either the reasons
of promoting very outdated standards of beauty,
or of actually promoting new ones,

see themselves as the ones fighting the bad vibes all around.

I would say that upon all sides of the weird little debate,

there’s a person, saying, wordlessly,

“I can sense YOU sensing that you are a good vibes person,
with a few things resembling good reasons.”

A physical item that changes the shape of the body to supposedly make it more beautiful,
is a real fucking rich point of the human experience.
Whether you are endorsing or defying it,
for whatever reason.

It’s like a snag upon our hearts.

Because regardless of your stance,
or however this sleepy eyed starlet makes you feel inspired, disgusting, amused, or indifferent,

you probably still feel that

amplifying the amount of beauty in the world isn’t a fucked up thing to desire.

Having at least some sovereignty over the way people look at you isn’t a fucked up desire.

Wishing for some control of how others portray themselves isn’t a fucked up desire.

And most certainly, wanting to be the person who eliminates and inherits various elements of a time before our own

in a proper-feeling way is not in any way a fucked up desire.

I’m really pretty neutral on what Billie’s been doing.

I personally find those discontented with their midsection but who want to expose it finding a compromise to be naturally likeable.

However, I wouldn’t blame anyone for taking a stand, and finding great inner beauty or relative ugliness in the decision to hug her body

in an old timey device.

But would you do this for me,

try and see just how much other people feel like the they’ve got themselves wrapped in good vibes, when their smiles embody controversy?

I really do believe that people want to be looked at positively,

while keeping many things hidden from others.

What else should a human do, to tolerate themselves?

Oh, if only we didn’t need celebrities to exercise our frustrations with each other.

Is there an end to the real need for tabloids?

Will we never reach a of point of comfort with our posture?

That is my desire, to go outside and feel no animosity within my spine

nor have a need to seek an ugly stance in anyone else.

The Heart’s Three Infamous Positive Energy Directives #3 – Those Damn Mergers are Messing With My Streaming (A Good Choice Misery Maker)

Funimation’s streaming service is merging with Crunchyroll.

I was really enjoying anime a whole lot with Funi.

I mean, where else can you marathon dubbed One Piece?

Business moves like this are one of the things that’s a real grade-A clusterfuck despite being a huge gift.

The new responsibilities of the businesspersons,

the new burdens and perks of the loyal customers.

So made of friction. So worth rebelling or supporting.

You could hardly do anything that makes as many small problems and solves as many big ones.

When I look at the news, I think, I don’t want 500 new anime and a generally better TV app,

I just want to keep things as they were, and tolerate the problems I was dealing with.

Rather than making us savor the highs of new presents and pains, of more and less options,

just leave us alone.

It hurts my brain and heart.

But I remember it’s all based in having your positive energy offended.

I was solving the problem of not having a single good place to watch anime on my living room TV, creating the small problem of paying money for it.

I was not letting some of my favorite shows pass me by, so passively. I was comfortably tuning in on my couch fairly often.

I felt like an adult, going beyond my previous cable TV habits, like watching Bleach every Saturday for 8 years.) I got that whimsy of being new and rebellious.

Even the ability to watch on different devices has that charming (corporate in your home) quality.

And they they went to complicate things which were already charmingly complex.

A new clusterfuck emerges like a powerup at the end of an episode.

Should I sign up to Crunchyroll to access the new anime season, or just stick with what I have for a while?

Which Funimation shows will carry over? Will they all?

Will there be censorship and licensing problems? How much more will I have to pay?

They are fucking with my life.

But I’ve found a way to not let the rage make me too upset.

Because in the head of a business person, they’ve also got the three positive energy directives.

They are things that make them feel like human beings.

They’re solving a shit ton of things in a business sense.

They’re gonna be making it easier for people not to have to choose which streaming service they want.

And the inconveniences they’re making are naturally, a part of business.

You can’t do business without stuff shooting around everywhere that makes some naysayer go “I wish this was easier for me, but you had to make it about money or OTHER people who benefit.”

It’s like a beautifully disastrous invasion by ragtag protagonists that ends super well for most characters, at least.

So they’re creating problems, while solving them, since that’s all you can do.

And as long as people pay for services, why wouldn’t you try and optimize that? Are you just gonna make bad business decisions instead?

How very honoring of passiveness and restraint.

So then you get some happy marketing campaign where they talk about how much things are changing for the better, and how to work around the complexities of it. And act like they aren’t making a monopoly and potentially making things shitty for customers.

But of course, some monopolies are out there, like public utilities.

Reading that weird happy vibe from a company pisses you the fuck off, no matter how well they deliver on positive promises.

But honestly, I don’t hate it.

If I had managed to make that my life, if I had that shit in my hands,

I’d have no choice but to grin at my own discomfort.

Would I really sink into an apologetic state?

You’ve got to feel like a risk taking adult.

You’ve done shit that could leave effects much bigger than you and your own little life,

because of how hard you’ve worked.

Would you sulk inside of that? Or make sure the world can feel you gleaming?

At the problems you make, and the moves you never took.

You’ve got such good energy.

But perhaps less enchanted by it, you’d create less blatant problems like….those who don’t even know what to do with money that will go nowhere thanks to your awesome-ass merger.

They tend to wait to see who whines before fixing everything, don’t they?

How about spending extra cash on pleasing those who are bound to suffer from fixing unbroken crap?

It really makes them feel wanted.

Perhaps I’d be great at running a company,

or perhaps those who do run them just have trouble really doing their best.

Perhaps I’ll just have to settle for being the king of explaining

why people feel kind and calm and secure despite everything else.

The true first to reach that island,

and make salacious articles unnecessary.

The Heart’s Three Infamous Positive Energy Directives #2 – Smokers Have a Nice Vibe and That’s the Everyday Havoc

I’m going to briefly write about smokers for a bit, or maybe a bit longer.

Earlier on, I planned on really digging into them, but I have a better approach now.

I am really am frustrated with ever having to get a scrap of that stuff near my face.

And it may be true that if nobody did anything about cigarettes, they’d be smoking in day care facilities. Literally everywhere and anywhere except that which would cause explosions.

I’ve got something to tell you, cigarette guy or cigarette girl.

Three reasons you don’t feel that bad about yourself, which make a lot of sense.

One. The very act of not getting to smoke all the time, and having to go somewhere to smoke makes you feel like a creature made out of restraint and temperance.

Smoking is an activity, but your addiction is kind of a passive, involuntary thing.

Who are they to get off on approaching you at all about it?

So when people tell you can’t smoke here or there, it triggers you hardcore.

Two. When people treat you like a problem because you’re defiling their space, you know they could easily not order you around and it might not really ruin their day.

Even if medically they’re justified and are really allergic or whatever, they’re still treating you like you are desiring to make a problem,

when all you’re after is anxiety relief and sensory comfort.

Three. The act of controlling what a smoker can do

is an inherently thrilling and mature-feeling act.

You can feel someone defying their childish instincts to either back away or make a compromise.

You can even tell that they know that “smoking is bad for you” is a cliche from PSAs.

This person defying you isn’t just after their own physical comfort or a sense of justice.

They need that thrill of making someone feel like shit about themselves.

It’s about finding anything to take a stand against that doubts its own ugliness.

But it’s not like you don’t see the ugliness in defiling your body with that stuff.

You know it’s less ugly to take a stand against them, not letting them destroy your once humbly regarded comfort,

as you continue to consume a product that you know comes with lots of pain,

for the sake of getting through the day.

You know it’s fundamentally gross to show and ruin what is largely a solitary pleasure.

But here’s the gap in your empathy.

That overwhelming resolve you feel, that overwhelming sureness about the inner ugliness of people trying to take the stick out of your mouth

isn’t something people lacked back when you could light up in a movie theater.

The ridiculous power of laws was required to stop that.

To block the will of people just like you so long ago.

It’s not like your restraint is invalid. It’s not like you don’t have real affection for not smoking in a hospital. It’s not like you really hate literally everything abpout the antitobacco movement either.

But your heart’s not in a different universe of big or strong compared to your predecessors,

who needed the brute force of laws to be dealt with.

If you actually could, you’d keep your noxious smell from touching anything, right?

Does that make vaping annoying to you? Replacing the bad smell with a good one?

And yet, vaping is still lame, isn’t it?

It just feels like an awkward step on your face to have somebody try and branch out from one of the unpleasant qualities of your hobby.

Something about the very nature of not producing aggravating smoke, is somehow, kind of cringe.

Smoking is so normal, so bland, to you. You’re not really trying to hurt people, you’re solving your own anxiety problems, and the whole thing has a strangely rebellious little vibe.

So to try and change anything about it seems really lame, doesn’t it?

Perhaps what’s lame is the whole smoking vibe entirely.

But for now, in spite of the irritation, I’ll give some thanks to that man I saw who crossed toward the empty street to smoke alone,

in spite of the jaywalking necessary.

Whether it was out of kindness or a need to not be confronted,

he chose not to be ready to battle others about it.

He was content to not make himself a warrior out of the good vibes of smoking addiction.

Let me remind you I am fine with you doing it on the beach, where there is indeed no contact from smoker to non.

To not concede that would be truly gross.

There was a man who smoked over the bridge on the train recently.

I felt anger like I hadn’t in about a year.

But I know that kind of behavior can’t be changed through conventional means.

That kind of villain needs magic gloves to be grappled,

the kind that can shut down good vibes at their best.

The Heart’s Three Infamous Positive Energy Directives #1 – A Diagram to Explain and Bind The Egregious Strength Within “Your Heart”

Hey….it’s me again. I’m back. Once again, it’s time.

I’m gonna condense my philosophy even more.

Polish it like marble. Crush it into powder. Shape it into a supernova.

I know what I have to do. Break it down into something so simple, something not even metaphysical.

Something bland, something hot, something universal.

Restrain myself from using colorful language.

Make it so even a junior high schooler or an extrovert or even a government official could read it and gain from it.

Make it sound like the epitome of common sense.

Prevent any boredom. Prevent any misunderstanding. Negate the possibility of not changing people who see it.

Show them you’ve honed that fist.

And if I fail to be succinct,

let this Rosetta Stone of a human’s obnoxious awesomeness

quell your very urge to criticize anyone,

and become, instead, self-control at your most colorfully intense.

Let’s move on to the point of this post.

Stare at this image if you wish to get the most out of what I’m going to to tell y’all.


Here’s the problem humanity has yet to solve. This is the voice in the back of your head.

This is the squirming frustration in your heart that you feel, when you spend time looking at wholesome stories and motivational quotes.

The irritation you get from knowing someone on the other side of history likes cute animal videos as much as you do.

The melancholy you feel when leaving the movie theater with people who might not respect your lifestyle.

The question you always ask but are too upset to even say it with your hands or lips.

Perhaps it can also be called what neurotypical people excel at, and people that maybe be called autistic tend to fail it.

“Just how in the hell do others arrive at what they say and do, despite liking what I like?”

All of the books, TV, and music, even architecture and nature….

you know that people use that shit to get through being human, and in a way that’s not dull or malevolent.

You know they get those weird indescribable feelings in their chest that push them to keep trying to be….better.

Anything that gets you high, somebody who seems nothing like you could enjoy.

Violent offenders are watching Super Mario trivia videos, somewhere.

Your instincts tell you that those you find evil are, in some mysterious way, shallow witted.

All the stuff you find online that’s interesting or validating supercharges SOMEBODY you detest with inspiration.

It could even be you in your past. Don’t we cringe at younger selves, and wonder, how did they get like that even though we still like similar things?

You could also say that you’re shocked at how well your personal heroes wound up,

sucking on the teat of popular culture so similarly.

But let’s focus on that nagging fury for now.

Because I don’t want you to look up to everybody.

I just want you to see vividly, the mechanics of why anybody would feel as intensely sure of their actions as you have, at your best.

Let’s focus on scaling that wall of empathy.

Because I must choose what to alter.

I plan on replacing those dark and miserable feelings you get when witnessing the choices of other people….

with something a lot like martial arts centered around throwing.

If you can wrap your head around the intensity of anyone else,

you’re a lot more likely to turn things in your favor.

And much less likely to be sickened by others and do things you’ll regret.


Right now, I want you to clear the table.

Assume everything written until now was tipping toward what I’m about to tell you.

There are three things that matter to all people.

No matter how warm-willed or how dark-feeling they become,

or how peaceful or furious they turn,

three things remain, in general, admired by a person.

And nobody wants to feel like they lack them entirely.

These three things are what makes a human feel enchanted by their own selves.

They’re what you crave most, wordlessly,

and what you despise most, quietly.

The thin line between who seems like the best and worst person to you, can be explained by these three things.

What makes a person’s resolve so hot that it has no pre-emptive countermeasure can be explained as well.

They’re elements of being a person that just can’t seem to be washed away.

I mean, without them, we’d probably be not much different than animals, with so few accomplishments.

Here are the three directives of your heart.

At its strongest and hardest to deter. At its most mysterious feeling.

The moment when you’re being called out or criticized, and it feels so pathetically lacking in relevance,

because you feel very richly and unsimplistically human.

These three things are the friction that makes you burn up, and makes you tremendously hard to weigh down.

They’re all that you feel sets you apart from terrible people, weak people, unhelpful people.

The missing link between a person you admire and someone you can’t stand, and what makes all the space in between so very interesting.

They cause the friction that makes someone doing something extreme

feel “no, I am not the cliche of mean”.

The Heart’s Three Infamous Positive Energy Directives.

I believe people follow the plasma in their chests, for the sake of down to earth validation.

That’s you, isn’t it?

When you could totally walk away from doing something, and you don’t?

These are the three things. You feel them and don’t say them. They’re so natural you can never articulate them. But they’re always there, especially so,

in the most socially skilled and accomplished of people,

and in the hearts of those who praise them rather awkwardly and deride them with some jealousy.

Perhaps I can also call them, the sources of that heat in your cheeks when someone is acting in a way that makes you go “wow, holy fuck, that’s wild”.

Would you like me to deconstruct the mystery of that feeling?

What it is that makes someone despicably honorable, or wonderfully detestable?

Just three things make up that beautiful friction inside of “the heart”,

which has yet to bottled by anyone.

I weird concept, but yes, but who doesn’t relate when they are told about “heart” like feelings?

Despite what you’ve said about other people probably tens of thousands of times,

human beings really do respect self-control, and you know that. The ability to wish to do something, and be capable of doing something, and indeed not do it.

You get that, right? Everybody everywhere, and certainly every culture that ever got made by anyone, makes a place for restraint.

But it doesn’t work out so easily, does it?


Because, no matter how restrained and passive you are, you are still acting, just by being human.

And restraint and passiveness have a less inspiring side…because you can exploit and mistreat others through simply not making changes or efforts.

You don’t want to be that stereotype. And you especially don’t want to be perceived as that stereotype.

You should take and make actions, and understand you must be imperfect.

But when someone looks at you like you really do not respect your own sense of restraint,

well, that’s when you get your most furious, don’t you?

If you could see that own intense feeling

as something others share very very much,

perhaps you’d be able to gaze much deeper into the feelings of your neighbors, friends, and rivals.

This is the first directive that has yet to be tamed, which should not be abolished, but contained.

“Do not let your passiveness and self-control be exploited or mocked.”

And what you do in the name of this makes you feel like a being made of irresistible positive energy.

Despite what you have felt tens of millions of times,

human beings really do admire the ability to solve problems. To see something unpleasant or inconvenient, and correct it.

You get that, right? Everybody everywhere, and certainly every culture that ever got made by anyone, makes a place for fixing things.

But it doesn’t work out so kindly, does it?


Because, despite your desire to fix and correct things, there are always unintentional results.

Whenever you take an action, you are likely to make problems you don’t even want to make.

There is always a dark side to trying to improve any situation.

There is always extreme weirdness in controlling resources and lives.

While you may say that in an adolescent fashion, we desire to make others feel frustrated and defeated,

for the most part, to be sure, humans spend a lot more energy on imagining things getting changed for better.

I know you do.

What makes you want to call someone a terrible insult?

Who pushes you to call them “a piece of shit” when nothing else suffices?

Or rather, what makes you really despise someone who is otherwise rather civilized?

It’s someone who is rather aware of how not to harm other people,

but is choosing to make problems for those around them, or deride people who identify as helping.

But you’ve been there, haven’t you? In a situation where everyone is ready to call you callous and crude, when taking a stand feels oh so very reasonable?

People are ready to call you a problem, when they know you might indeed be providing solutions.

They are ready to stop you when you are merely taking risks for a decent cause.

They trust their hearts that in some way, you really are more of a problem maker than a solution provider.

No matter what happens, or what could happen, they’ll trust that it is right to belittle you.

And you will not let that belittlement breathe.

This is the second directive of your heart-

“mess around with things in a way that feels charged with the will to correct.”

Or, you know, “fuck around in a good way”.

What people do in the name of that is the source

of so many unstoppable endeavors.

It’s true that people desire comfort and convenience. Infants and children are the biggest culprits of that.

But we humans aren’t quite so weak.

We are hunters that literally took over the planet. We didn’t get here by cowering in caves or simply being content with animals as our prey.

In a way that can hardly be called malicious, human beings want to get out of their comfort zone.

If you, a mere human, wants to savor the energy of your own life, you have to stretch beyond what makes you feel safe or at home.

You could also call that the power that allows you to prevent yourself and your loved ones from deceit and sabotage.

Logically, this should work out better than it has. We should be like children willing to try to fruits we have yet to eat.

Or at the very least, trying out a new form of work should be enough to satisfy such a person.

Taking into account the fact that nobody is truly passive, and that problem-solving is a problem-making endeavor,

you can more easily see that the will to defy your comforts is intricately laced with potential awfulness.

Take heed, my friend, as this my be the only satisfying explanation you’ve ever heard,

as to what makes a culture so sure of itself.

Take heed, stranger, as this encapsulates the sensations in a person’s mouth when they have to declare

that “those people just don’t fucking get it” and “we’re doing the right fucking thing” when about to cause a lot of pain.

Inside of the heart of someone who seems either charlatan or crusader of anything,

is a sense that they’re branching off from their comfort-driven, childlike self.

They know that they could be causing shame and misery,

they know that being quiet may be kinder,

they know what it means to be reckless, with humanity, with reality,

but they have an idea in their head of what might just actually be, bizarrely but solidly,

damn good for us.

And the match that ignites that explosion of resolve is this….

yes, the very essence of the moment before a man or woman does something hideously impressive, is this,

a sensation so very wordless and so very very strong,

they feel,

“this guy thinks I’m just running my mouth because I want to.”
“that girl thinks I’m just discovering what it means to give a shit about something.”
“these people think I think that doing the right thing, achieving my goals, should be easy and perfect.”
“so many people in this world are ready to put me down when I have no fucking ill intention.”

“I am not brash.”

“I think, overall, I’m a positive energy person.”

“It feels really nice, taking a stand, nicer than anyone has ever said it should be.”

And then the action comes.

Infamous Positive Energy Directive Number Three:

Escape Your Comfortable, Childish Nature, and take a stand against something which doubts its own ugliness.”

“Validation finds you there.”

If you can find a way to freeze yourself when that desire overwhelms you,

if the warmth can actually stop you instead of drive you,

if you can be not enchanted by that feeling,

if you can counter it like dancing ’round a brute,

then you really are what the world needs more of.

Sense what validates you most.

Recognize that people will indeed get greatly GREATLY justified positive feedback

for taking a stand against things which have the essence of the PASSIVE and the CORRECTIVE, but otherwise in many ways embody the opposite of that.

Not feeling peacefully and gorgeously empowered by how many things you manage to bizarrely and beautifully make better

is the key to actually defeating that which makes human society such a painful place.

Resist that lovely and rich feeling in your cheeks that tells you

“I’m doing something wonderfully uncomfortable, and it’s validating as fuck.”

What makes you feel valid?

Well, it’s this of course.

To do things that are exciting and unfamiliar,

but also honor your imperfections and prove your lack of recklessness.

We humans desire the most positive of feelings,

and the only way to truly feel our hearts overflow with positive energy

is to prove to ourselves that we really have the dignity of a human, the capability of a human, and the courage of a human.

You, my friend, dear stranger, you’ve done it so much, haven’t you?

Pondered whether some thing you were about to do was good or bad,

sensed how much it was going to validate your better qualities,

and went ahead and did it.

This is the paradox of extreme human actions.

They almost always embody and honor your restraint, your utter innovation, and your drive to succeed in spite of everything surrounding you.

I repeat, dancing on the edge of time.

That state makes you a charging beast.

Let yourself be one who cares more about nuzzling those in such a state.

If you can let someone feel you validating that steady-hearted feeling,

or rather, do that to everyone you meet,

your daily encounters will suck a lot less.

If everyone did it, we wouldn’t have situations in which someone is indeed or is not the asshole. We’d stop before that starts.

We could make the rough shit work,

while understanding there’s no such thing

as a truly peaceful or corrective or innovative action.

All I really want

is to make your average human encounter

a lot lot lot less fucked.

All I want to give you

is a way

to dance together with the monster of positive energy.

Or the short version:

you at your most savage really does represent you at your most civilized, and that’s the issue.

That’s always been the challenge. Telling people they need to stop acting a certain way

when it really does embody their ability to get around the will of others,

in a way not particularly unhinged, malicious, or simplistic.

That’s the fucking golden key.

Stopping yourself when your adult heart is warm and deserves to be.

I do declare that is the way out.

Stare at the image. This is the only way for humanity to win against its own need to be troublesome.

Leash yourself at your most intricately positively charged.

Inner Beauty Parry 12/24/21 – Most Holidays are 29 Hours Long (A Quick Initiation Game)

You there! You there! Did you enter the URL? Did you take a picture of the QR code? Did you click on a link? Did you wind up here randomly?

How about we play a quick game? Think of me as someone working at a carnival.

Or maybe you can think of this as some kind of magic-powered pact. Do you like mythology? Do you like the anime Hunter x Hunter? Maybe you are into gambling?

The game is as follows: if I can make you feel like you became a teeny bit smarter in two minutes, or make you smirk a little, or make you feel actually amused, in just two minutes,

you have to promise me to read the last 30 or so of my posts.

Take as long as you want, but you have to do it. On your sacred honor.

Make it a bookmark, write it down, leave a note.

But you have to do it. You’d have made a promise.

If I fail to produce one single spark of amusement or intrigue in just two minutes, that means you win the game and not me.

You get to close the window and forget you ever stumbled upon the found emotion dot com.

You can continue to live the life you were going to live without my help.

Are you ready? The 2-minute game begins…!


I’ve noticed something funny about holidays and birthdays.

Whenever the clock reaches 12:00 am the night before, (or maybe 12:01, just to be safe) it’s like that holiday has begun!

How many times have you stayed up late (if you do consider midnight late) on Christmas Eve, and said ‘It’s Christmas!’ How about ‘it’s my birthday!’ as soon as midnight is passed? Maybe it was Halloween and you put on a spooky outfit for early hallow’s eve’s morning. Maybe you felt patriotic far before the dawn, on your nation’s Independence Day. Or maybe even had an early Valentine’s fling?

This doesn’t seem too absurd, since going by the calendar, the day it is really does change once the clock finally grows beyond 11:59.

Until you suddenly realize, people don’t just stop celebrating holidays once midnight begins upon the next day!

Of course if someone were to argue and say “it isn’t really Christmas anymore” on December 26th, you could very well smile and agree.

But you wouldn’t treat it like the holiday itself was somehow cancelled. Even if your culture forbids any celebrations beyond the solar day day, you’d still feel like you were connected to that merriment, savoring that festival.

The party does not end as soon as the clock seems to suggest it.

And yet you had it start when the clock merely implied it.

How very odd to savor.

In both cases, you are playing a strange emotional game with time. You are taking too much from time, but not officially. You are making a choice about how we see time, though not belligerently. You are understanding the weirdness of your use of time, but not too shamefully. You are humbled by the indulgence, though not bashfully.

You feel rather profound.

I say the following sentence.

“holidays tend to be 29 hours long”

and you feel something like a smile.


All right! That finishes the two-minute game. Bring bring.

Did you feel absolutely nothing special?

Then it’s time to close the window, come on.

On you go.

Or did I win the game? Did I make you feel something, anything nice at all?

Then that means by your sacred honor, you need to save this webpage and commit to reading my most recent 30 posts!

Don’t worry though, you just might find yourself amused, excited, or even enlightened or moved profoundly by my work.

You’ve gotten a preview of what I’m about. Do you want to know what I’m about? Do you want to know my mission?

It’s to do what everything the mass media has churned out….wants to do but fails to do.

Everyone wants people to just behave better and stuff.

But every time time you read anything tell you how to behave better and stuff

it always seems weirdly not apt.

Awkwardly not insightful.

Offensively demeaning.

Hopelessly charmed by its own condescension.

Enough to make you go “enough”.

That’s the vibe my writing lacks.

I’m not really a “people are good” type.

Nor am I an “everyone has the potential to do great things” type.

But I believe people are a lot more shrewd than is let on.

Every person has a sense that they are the really shrewd one.

I believe that is exactly where the lock and key that will explain how people really are

have been resting, patiently.

Yes, there is a magical shrewdness in every person that makes so much odd and beautiful behavior very possible!

And we can tame the absolute heck out of it.

Ah yes, the holiday thing. Here is a paradox for you- if things are so terrible for humanity, in society, with the very nature of sentient people,

then why exactly is the average person capable of finding cleverness in that observation?

Why would people share that sense of witty modesty about their own indulgences?

I illustrate once more my philosophy in a very neat fashion.

1. People are in touch with their own excess and strive to not act in ugly ways despite needing to act strongly.

2. People understand that accusations and praise are somewhat crude things to deliver, and strive to not dole them out in a way that feels ugly and immature.

3. People do not simply wish to feel like they are proper or special. They crave that elusive balance of outrageous versus normal, unhinged versus restrained, acceptable versus rebellious, and even childlike versus wise.

You do not have a moronic heart.

You do not have a shallow mind. You are never the joke people say you are.

You are never as pathetic as people say you are.

Because as long as you have an appreciation for something as strange and silly but deep and meaningful as our own ability to mess with time,

there is a wittiness at your core.

There is a will to not be badly at your core.

There is a will to give yourself up to un-screw-up how damned annoying being human is at your core.

And by reading these posts, I will help you strengthen that muscle

in a peaceful and proper way.

New Year’s Eve becomes New Year’s Day upon the stroke of midnight. It’s kind of a hybrid holiday where both the day before the day after intermingle in a forlorn fashion.

They’re symmetrical days, but the party on the former really kicks off on the early hour of the latter. And the daytime of the former is based upon the achievement of the daytime of the latter. New Year’s Eve demands that time stretches far from it in order to exist.

And I hope that one day, my attempt at reigning in the heart, to make us resemble pleasant parties, is forever etched into time.

2022 shall now be mine!

Inner Beauty Parry 12/23/21 – Refrigerated Cracker Angst is Still Worth Tempering (The Smile of Culture)

You want to know a physical object I have a fairly strong resentment for? It’s the refrigerated cracker. The cold crisp. The iced chip, not the chip of ice.

I really hate the fact that in any scenario, a crunchy munchy snack could wind up inside of a refrigerator. They get soft, and damp, and icky. Obviously, I’d want to stay away.

I try to avoid those portable Lunchables-for-adults packs for that reason. I just don’t like cold, crispy things at all.

I have, however, constructed scenarios where the carby crisp was allowed to cool off and become much more palatable. Of course, that doesn’t cleanse me of resentment of Triscuit winding up on a dinner plate, and getting refrigerated.

And I’ve indeed fantasized about this silly scenario. Somebody putting out a class-action lawsuit against Hillshire, et cetera…..forcing them to invent a string or something that allows the melba toast to hang just outside the refrigerator. Or some weird thing involving a voucher that has to be given to the cashier.

Obviously, this is silly. And you obviously agree, it’s wrong to waste energy blaming someone for selling a tiny pack of cold cuts with some crackers.

Why waste your breath and effort trying to correct something which has nothing to do with anyone choosing to make anyone else actually suffer any discomfort?

It sounds like a clown show. Something out of a “Far Side” comic. Something that if it were to happen, might make you GUFFAW with your teeth agape.

But for you to stop there, that would be lame. Because culture is still a thing floating around. And this is a metaphor for culture.

The emotion that I feel when I think ugh, refrigerated crackers, can somebody so something?

is exactly the type of thing that leads to traditions that just won’t go away.

They could be innocuous, they could be controversial, they could be helpful, they could be heinous. They can be a lot of fucking things.

But on the part of the person who commits to them, is a mind that seethes with the sensations of

“yeah, this isn’t really necessary, but it makes things better!” and “they hate on us for this, but we weren’t hateful when we started doing this!” and “why would anybody get so mad when we’re just using common sense?”

Maybe it’s food rules, maybe it’s censorship, maybe it’s performance, maybe it’s the respectful language, maybe it’s rewards and punishments, or maybe it’s the agreed upon ideal neighbor or worst visitor.

You can probably think of a dozens of examples of cultural habits that make your elbows tremble with resentment.

But modern society has yet to really do anything about those, hasn’t it? We can only slowly chip away at the solid hunk of cultural satisfaction through giant books about how bad things got in insert community here followed by pages and pages of someone trying to BEG THE UNIVERSE that insert group here stops doing something.

We can change our traditions, but the traditions that seem abhorrent get held as delicately as as infant by the holders of them.

Because it’s all about that indescribable inner beauty people feel. The kind that makes a movie engaging, that makes makes discipline feel dignified, that makes effort feel valuable, that makes actions feel unworthy of belittlement.

What they feel….

when they’re blaming or praising some phenomenon in nature barely worth making a fuss over, but in a way that seems to whimsically satisfy the need to correct problems.

When they’re applying preventative measures to a harmless flaw in labor or leisure, in a way that feels giddily excessive, like some kind of sunlit marriage of childish wants and mature aspirations.

When they’re deriding someone for some preference or experience unrelated to their crimes, in a way that feels like a hero’s craftiest tactics that somehow bizarrely confirms their moral alignment.

When they’re patting themselves on the back for rising above what they see as instinctive etiquette and ordinary justice, as is they’ve somehow leapt beyond the morals inside of fables, like they’ve traveled the earth looking for who is the bullshit maker and given them the right lovely little smack on the face.

Culture itself is people banding together and speaking with mouths popping out their necks these words to each other:

“if somebody acts in a way that feels nastier than all nasty, don’t fucking feel ANY shame in what you do to them”.

Belligerent actions empowered by culture are nearly unblockable.

Unmanageable, impossible to criticize.

Discouragement of that person is simply unavailable in all regions.

Not unless you can see these inside this heart of your adversary. Which is a lot easier if you read my other posts right here.

The cognizance of being excessive,

an understanding of pettiness,

an appreciation for the arbitrariness of rules,

the awareness of the indulgence in correction,

and an understanding that making problems out of small things is not inherently noble.

Those are things mature adults all share.

It’s the big fat grin on a person’s face which shows you they’re feeling “yeah, I’m gonna act despite knowing those five things about being a person”, the type of smile which is guaranteed to make you smile infectiously or frown so hard your jaw could fall off.

With the power of this blog, you can learn to do neither.

I see these scenarios as beautifully sincere tantrums that can be changed from battles to dances.

Fighting through the will of the worst of us is possible if you can appeal to a person’s awareness of their own excessiveness.

In order to engage with and soothe the worst traditions there are,

you just need to see it originates from some fellow somewhere saying

“dude can we do something about this annoying thing?”

a thousand other someones saying “yeah okay”

and a million other someones lowering their eyebrows when somebody happens to interject.

Culture, you are my beast I hope to see finally lie still like a pet.

If the world is to be absolved of its worst traditions, it will require something other than mockery.

You need to help people feel that they can still get around the ill will of others, in spite of all your vitriol.

Inner Beauty Parry 12/22/21 – Coin Flip Decisions are the Posturing of the Heart (and I will swing right through you)

First it was the ability to stack dominoes accurately for show, riding the line between admirable and shallow.

Second, it was the choice of artistic vandalism, straddling the the line between cathartic and depraved.

I’ll add a third example of that caliber. Probably the best.

If there’s any small but interesting situation

that an animal couldn’t wrap its little brain and modest heart around

it’s probably the flipping of a coin to make a decision.

The way you feel when watching a friend decide something with a coin flip,

or if you actually do it

or if a villain in a comic book does it

or a wannabe heroine in an anime does it

is not something a dog or a crow or a dolphin could ever feel.

At their smartest, they’d think the coin itself had some sort of special power,

or that this was a strange little ritual required for you to be content with your actions.

But neither of those things are the case.

If you want a cool little summary of what a coin flip is,

if you want me to tell you what the heart of it is,

if you want that shit summed up for what it really is,

it’s a human being screaming inside, wordlessly

“I don’t want my actions to feel worthy of contempt.”

Nothing irritates a mature adult human

than someone demeaning the value of the things they do.

It can hurt even more, be more aggravating, more irritating,

then even stopping your actions, defeating your goals, neutralizing your dreams.


In psychology, they say frustration is born from having your goals blocked.

But people have ways to deal with others getting in the way of their goals,

by taking comfort in the notion that their actions had depth.

That they were in touch with how strange it is to apply value to actions.

That it’s very tricky and weird to say what human will is connected to what human-involved events.

That they had risen above the hopeless quality of making wishes and promoting ideals,

by recognizing how very ridiculous it can be to attempt to make anything possible,

and yet still hopefully made it possible!

Inside of the flipping of the coin, for a choice that barely matters, for the outcome in a game, for a social interaction, for a life decision, or when determining someone’s fate, there is always that feeling that says hoo boy, what an action this is!

That arousal. That excitement. That brooding. That melancholy. That temptation. That dignity. That ecstasy. That un-primitive rush.

That voice inside that says my will is of the kind that could not ever really be stopped.

Yes, a wonderful feeling, a transcendent feeling, a strong feeling, a luscious feeling, that seems to scream out,

“here comes an unblockable swing with a big damn club of human will”.

And you yourself will acknowledge this is some kind of fabulous and monstrous wrath, but not quite ugly, because it’s backed by an intricate posturing.

You left a tremendous decision up to an even will/will not chance.

You felt how very disconnected and connected you were to your own human will.

You felt how very in control and out of control anyone is about anything.

And you felt how any result of any event can never be the arbiter of what mattered,

but snickers upon the throne of time.

They say that coin flips can ease a person’s regret and increase security in actions.

Well, did you ever think maybe that feeling is directly connected to our ability….

to be quite secure in our actions in spite of our conscience?

What really seems to matter to human beings is feeling as though the things we did

were the kind of things that didn’t deserve to be undone, even if they were.

And that’s exactly why catching the swinging blade

that is a human action is so very difficult.

But there is a way to counter it.

That isn’t something people don’t already do.

You can see it in all the good stories, right?

It’s what you want, it’s what you love,

it’s what you dream for, day and day out!

In spite of all your wishes, you wish deep down,

for the power of wishing to be regulated.

You’re hoping for a way, even if it’s not yours,

to block and counter people in that state you’re in,

in which the things you do to other people

don’t feel worthy of being parried in the slightest.

I can see it in that “somebody stop me!” smile human beings seem to wear.

It’s my dream to explain just how that’s done.

The mighty block of your overwhelming inner beauty,

and the swinging strike made of heartier posture that causes your club to fall.

We’re looking for that way to stop actions that already

feel in touch with their own futility and irresponsibility.

A way to actually create volition in others that freezes them

when their minds tell them nothing’s ugly about what they’re about to do.

A way to actually calm you at your most commendable.

The type of thing which ends good movies, but on paper.

A way to soothe that which is so unlike a beast.

The essence of villains giving up, in a form not unlike breakfast cereal.

So that social interaction’s finally not miserable.

And we can just cry together.

That is what I hope to serve.

So please, be a gourmet.

Inner Beauty Parry 12/21/21 – Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and the Unstoppable Heart of Vengeance

You know about Rudolph the Red-Noised Reindeer, don’t you? It’s an absolutely classic little nugget of popular culture. A cute and epic little song that works as a sequel to ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, the classic poem. It got a famous TV adaptation, and quite a few more non-famous ones.

Lately the song is getting some flak. They it promotes the idea that people won’t stop treating you like shit until you start being of use to them. That you need to acquire a convenient purpose to someone before they stop making fun of you. That they’ll only stop hating you when they can use you.

Doesn’t it seem rather strange, though, that we, as a species, can totally relate to this sour take on a wholesome story? Even the people who still think Rudolph has a good message about self-worth or learning to work with others can totally get why this piece of popular culture needs a good little jabbing.

How exactly can we have so many problems, so many disagreements, so many fucked up situations when we all want to….expose the nasty shit in wholesome shit?

I think the rage against the reindeer is a lot deeper than you think it is. It’s inside of that deep, wry, smiling anger, that things like vengeance and payback and comeuppance become possible for not just shrieking animals, but civilized adult humans as well.

Your heart can sense something a lot more disgusting than a lack of appreciation for someone or pretending to care about someone in the friendly antagonists of this tale, who only supported their anatomically unusual cohort when it became rather practical to sing his praises.

You can feel it in your fucking cheekbones. Something much smarter than hate, right? Something much more keen than a ability to detect bad behavior, right? Something much more beautiful and strong feeling than a need to hurt people, isn’t it? Something for which drastic actions feel as fair is it gets.

Something that makes you almost see red.

That state in which you can detect a person really starting to regret their actions without truly letting go of what made them do that in the first place.

That amber sensation in your diaphragm. That burning in your nose. The trembling of your wrists.

To be sure, you will do something, even as civilized as trying to destroy whatever that vibe is through the way you treat others, to try and fight that.

You have the ability to see people commit to real change, to learn from regret, and to get past their malice.

But inside of that is a warm feeling, a proud feeling, a sweet feeling, an interesting feeling, and you want….to break the neck of that feeling.

The undue blame on you still exists in heart of the apology giver.

The eagerness to poke fun at your innocence.

The need to make games out your flaws. The neglect for making a difference in their actions beyond the kind that comes from…..

childish appeals to act nicely to other people.

Like a fungus coming out of a fancy tree.

A form of growth that mocks that of your own.

Revenge always seems to find a way, somewhere, because, really…’s charged with the will to fight inner ugliness.

People giving value to their actions in a giddy and triumphant way is something you want to destroy. People claiming they’ve reconciled when they could do more is something you want to destroy. People who seem to celebrate the very nature of incidents leading to change are something you want to destroy.

Inside these moments, it’s like your nose shines red and chirps, involuntarily.

And someone who claimed to regret their mockery of you shows something condescending on their face, and you snap. Maybe viciously. Or perhaps more civilly.

You’ll do something to to and destroy that very dumb and ugly feeling of inner beauty.

And nothing, nothing, nothing for the rest of your life will make you ever feel like you came closer to being unjustified for whatever that thing was that you did……

until it does, perhaps.

And you tame yourself.

Feeling okay again, feeling kinder again. Smiling at the clouds again.

But then the story plays out the same way, in someone, somewhere.

The disaster just plays out again.

Because deep down, we are all good at smelling the odor of an egregious heart.

No matter what you did, you were witnessing what makes us so aggravating as humans, and fighting that in your own way.

My goal is to do for us to TAME ourselves for the first time in spite of this being case.

People give into the need for payback, mainly because…..accusations of being heartless and ignorant and selfish really aren’t that apt. Deep down, there’s a part of your that feels like you’re banking everything on destroying whatever it is that an innocent person would be right on fighting.

The excess, the exploitation, the recklessness, the smugness, the apathy, the neglect.

Everyone’s always fighting that somehow. Even in casual social interactions. Everyone’s always navigating around whatever that mysterious bullshitty vibe is.

If you want to know what makes people act insane, you only need to ask this: why to them, does it feel related to more ordinary behavior?

The constant fight to keep people from messing with you, from making rumors about you, from exploiting you, from mocking you, from belittling you.

People get called sick and malicious and heartless and then the volcano erupts.

The smile of bright-hearted cruelty comes into play.

People feel like the evolution of pin-headed fables in those moments.

And I really do believe the only way to stop that is for everyone to get a better grasp on themselves when their hearts feel the biggest.

And prevent themselves from doing the things that feel like the interesting, awesome, controversial, incredible, indescribable polar opposite of what a shitty person is.

Giving no one a reason to ever shine so terribly in response.

There is a way to not need incidents to inspire better behavior. There is a way to not need songs and stories, nor the eager subversions of them.

There is even a way to quell the need for revenge by daydreaming of someone, something, somewhere, destroying whatever that mysterious ugliness is. By pushing your craving for justice to a higher, broader level. That isn’t necessary to unfuck everything.

Maybe you’ll find it here. A method for identifying and restraining yourself and working around what feels incapable of being worked around.

For wrapping your head around others’ sense of positivity and purposefulness when they seem completely out of line.

That is what I offer you, that is my attempt at a story for the ages.

A way to not despise the mediocrity in the approval of others, but rather, guide their will for accommodation through the heavy snow.