[Purpose-Result Friction] Theory Diaries – Pizza Clout, WTF?

There is currently a thread on r/unpopularopinion in which an individual claims that pizza is quite overrated. Then they say that people mainly like pizza “for the clout”.

Now, I did have to look up what clout meant, and I still felt pretty lost. I could relate to the many posts declaring that it’s ridiculous to associate liking pizza with some kind of desire to advance oneself socially.

But I used my theory to figure out what this pizza displeased-poster was saying. He or she might have been accusing others of liking pizza for what it represents, rather than its actual flavor. That basically entire nations of people might be deluded into being fond of a food item because it helps result in joyful social situations, even if it does not really taste that amazing compared to, say, sandwiches or pasta.

Of course, I really do like pizza. But I do prefer it with toppings that absorb the grease, like spinach or chicken. So I can understand why someone thinks the flavor of pizza is overbearing, or that it might be better served in a format which naturally involves a fork and knife.

Pizza is a party food. Pizza is fun. Pizza is nice. Pizza is a food that we adore for reasons more than simply its flavor or texture.

I could not feel rather furious at this redditor for using an awkward term like clout to describe why someone would like some kind of food.

While 15 other redditors pretty much mocked them for trying to elegantly graft the love of pizza onto “clout”, I could not help but feel sympathy for this poster, not having heard about my theory of “purpose-result friction”.

I could certainly see how some food items are sort of “pretended to be liked”, like bitter alcoholic beverages, desserts from Europe which taste like Entenmann’s made the wrong way, and healthy vegetables which provide little real satisfaction with adapting away the love of tastier things. But it would be wrong to say that such people do not actually like that food.

It may be ridiculous to assume that Americans would not love pizza introduced to them at any age at all. But the way we treat it like the king of awesome savory party meals could certainly inspire someone to want to give us so much ridicule, enough to wish desperately enough that others have might been able to become slightly less fond of the bread-sauce-cheese combination, if simply shown that it may be loved only due to its expected social effects, or that we are obligated to like its flavor.

If only they knew the taste of my affection for people on the internet.…
maybe then there would be less ridicule for those who want the spinach roll!

I feel so close to changing the world,
if I do, let’s have a pizza party.

Cultural Rave – Wikipedia’s Conspiracy Theory Vibe that I don’t like

The good folks at Wikipedia like to begin articles about conspiracy theories with “________ is a false conspiracy theory which ________” or “__________ is a conspiracy theory in which unproven claims have been made and no one has any evidence for”.

I’m no proponent of blatantly desperate, politically motivated conspiracy theory activism, but I can’t say approve of Wikipedia’s way of talking about these fulfillment-motivated scandals.

If it’s a fucking conspiracy theory, of course it hasn’t been proven fucking true. There are few types of conspiracy theories that could really be proven wrong. It would have to be a very specific theory involving one place, one time, one person, one small situation manipulated some specific way.

And here comes the ephemerally parental mother fucker Wikipedia, giving into the desperation to claim that a conspiracy about government corruption or celebrity crime is indeed false in the very first sentence.

I get you, Wikipedia. You’re operating on the friction of purpose and result. You know that if a neutral-acting, bias-un-aspiring creature like a mega cyber encyclopedia can’t take a stand against the far-fetched accusations of people on the wrong, or whichever side of history,

that anybody could get away with accusing anyone of anything.

But when I see you imply that a government conspiracy theory is wrong before you even start explaining what that theory was,

I can almost relate to the burning hearts of people who are livid at the media for coddling to certain political agendas.

When you show extreme eagerness to defend anyone’s supposed misdeeds, you elicit emotions. And in my opinion, emotion is the side of us that knows that everything is connected and not connected. And that everyone else is trying to exploit that in order to build some better future, or put energy out there that should.

You remind us of a hall monitor. Some kind of impartial-acting judge that isn’t even willing to validate people just a little, and as such, opens themselves up for becoming the source of so much firm disgust.

If you want people to be less motivated to pin conspiracies onto anyone, you’ve got to be willing not to slap their hands away from the devices they use to use the internet.

Saying “that conspiracy is false” just burns their flames, desperate to see you distance yourself from your actions, ready to feel betrayed by the media.

All I’m fucking saying to y’all is,

your articles shouldn’t SOUND like something out of a sci-fi novel.

“This conspiracy is false” is better off as “all evidence points to this conspiracy theory being false”.

At exactly what level of lack of evidence is a Wikipedia article allowed to claim a conspiracy as false? Eventually, you guys will fuck yourselves hardcore when one of these theories turns out to be true.

The government’s just not innocent enough for you guys to be the “guardians against conspiracies” and expect to win each time. People and businesses can stake their reputation on the kind of trust that other people and businesses have not been doing evil things behind the backs of their nations. An encyclopedia should tone down that shit.

And yeah, I fucking I admit that this is partly about you not risking credibility, and partly about you being too happy about making other people feel like the bad guys. That’s called operating on the friction of purpose and result. That’s my fucking theory, my conspiracy theory, about human emotion.

When ranting and raving and marauding on the internet, no one’s really acting on either how they can change people, or bringing justice against them.

Any moral crusade or conspiracy quest is never all about judging someone else or altering someone else. It’s about the tension of those two elements.

Give people a tiny space for their conspiracies to breathe, if you’re so damn confident in the innocence of our governmental overlords. Let them at least be proud of looking for conspiracies rather than feeling shunned for seeking any out.

You guys should be extremely un-emotional.

You shouldn’t have to show a drop of pride or desperation.

Not in anything other than when you beg us moochers for money.

If you want to be seen as not conspiring,

don’t be to them, in any way inspiring.

So says L1 Doubledge.

[Purpose-Result Friction] Theory Diaries – The Veggie Booty Compromise

As a mildly indulgent complement to the tastefully greasy chicken tenders I was going to bring home,

I decided to acquire some Pirates’ Booty.

They’re a crispy snack that leaves you feeling not very indulgent. They’re also great for when you’re craving vegetables but don’t feel like microwaving the broccoli in the refrigerator.

They used to say “Pirates’ Booty: Veggie”, didn’t they? And around 7 or more years before that, the bags were only marked “Veggie Booty”, but there was a cool pirate ship.

But now. they seem to have taken a third option. The title is Pirates’ Booty, and the subtitle is Veggie Booty. Hence, Pirates’ Booty: Veggie Booty. Sounds like a title for a sequel.

I could only imagine the deliciously bland goings on at the marketing department of Pirate Brands. Surely they were discussing the way that people poked fun at the name “Veggie Booty” some time ago when they first renamed the product,

and that the decision to make the name more dignified, was being revealed to possibly not have a positive effect on sales. Perhaps marrying “veggie” to “booty” was something just worth trying again, being freakishly poetic compared to Pirates’ Booty: Veggie.

There must have been something enticingly lame about “Veggie Booty” that brought some marketability to the barely fatty, green-powdery snack food so many health food wannabes wanted with their sandwiches.

These people, who must have been trying to determine what course of action would result in the highest yield of sales, with only ambiguous public feedback to guide them, were surely being engaged by the friction of purpose and result.

They could hardly tell what made a product endearingly weird, or contemptibly lame.

By putting Pirates’ Booty as a subtitle, people could smile at the cheekier name, while also being endeared by the more dignified title of the product.

It also makes more sense to a White Cheddar Veggie Booty fan wanting to try another flavor.

I know of someone who doesn’t know that booty means something besides one’s posterior. Fortunately that person has no interest in crispy snacks that are healthy- to them, if it’s like a chip, it may as well have all the fattiness and lack of fiber it could ever have.

They used to show the snack itself on the bag for a while. I know that when I first bought some Pirates’ Booty, I was taking quite the gamble. But maybe they took it away, because it’s really not that appetizing looking of a snack. Maybe not showing the puffs was part of the weird charm of Robert’s American Gourmet.

One time, when I was at work, someone asked me if that was indeed “Pirate Booty” in my mixed bag of snacks. I responded very slowly that it was. I wanted to give a hint, I was very ready to reflect away any booty jokes, and leave that up to anyone else besides me.

This person really liked McDonald’s and really caught me off my game or trying to be as massively un-lewd as possible AT WORK. Time managed to slow down a little.

This is why I never carry Naked juice in public. Just in case someone wants to cascade the types of discussions that lead to someone accusing someone else of talking about their buttcheeks.

But I suppose this is the cost of not being addicted to Cheez Doodles,

or rather, wanting to take a break from corn chips without flavored powder.

Yar harr, fiddle dee dee,
from awkwardness we’ll never be free.

[Purpose-Result Friction] Theory Diaries – Damn Those Sexy Retro Consoles

My kindred left the apartment to finally live somewhere else recently.

He’s not far, so he plans on visiting every Saturday to come and eat and get some support from us.

He left behind the Sega Genesis retro console that he never actually plugged in.

I’m very tempted to give it a try on my HDTV, or maybe even the monitor, despite not having a sound input.

I already have a Sega emulator on my Mac. Sonic 2 is strangely addicting. I mean, as someone who’s had trouble enjoying video games universally the way I did when I was 19.

I can probably play any of those games whenever I want, but the retro console itself is so damn nifty.

It’s got retro style controllers, is shaped like the system we used to have, and probably has some sweet-ass menus.

I really want to plug it in….but I know he might consider it his, despite barely dabbling in video games that past decade or so.

I want to respect the items he claims to own. Even if he never sees me use it.

I want to resist the appeal of a a retro gaming experience tacked on with things that elicit extra nostalgic satisfaction.

The theory of purpose-result friction made it easier for me to not give it a try. I can just enjoy Sonic 2 without the things I associated it with when younger.

And it made it less hard for me to feel disgusted by giving a damn about what family thinks I might be doing with “barely owned” objects lying around the apartment.

I should send him a text about the device. And go wild if he tells me I can use it. So many video games to try out, maybe I’ll actually like one of them the way I love about 7 or 8 other video games I currently have access to.

Or maybe he’ll ask to take it, despite not owning an HDTV in his new bedroom. Maybe he’ll set it up where his roommates can use it.

My sister wrote about the Sega Genesis in her memoirs when she was in 2nd grade.

Oh, I’d really like to go back to failing at Chemical Plant Zone,

and somehow making my way to Casino Night.

I’ve never been to a casino, since I’ve never had the right to waste oh so much money.

It’s tempting to use things that you didn’t pay for, or even ask for,

just like that retro gaming console.

It doesn’t feel too selfish, to give an unused gift a purpose.

But I would hope that other people could get less cheeky on the adrenaline of swiping such a trinket.

Objects lend themselves to the potential for a purpose,

finding what that should be make us proudly nervous.

[Purpose-Result Friction] Theory Diaries – The Political Rage of an Open Cereal Box With a Closed Bag

I noticed that one of the masters of the apartment started crumpling the tops of cereal boxes so that they couldn’t remain open.

I remembered that many times earlier, he would race to shut the cereal boxes that I would leave open, even if the bag was closed.

He could not tell if the bag was open or not.

The old me would have lost my mind, him accusing me of letting the cereal go stale, and longing to show me up for doing something I might not have actually done.

But I remembered the theory of purpose-result friction,

I remembered that actions and consequences, when perceived, create a tension.

And people are inspired to desperately do what they think is right,

and forlornly frustrated by the possibility of others’ lack of virtues,

so much so, they will do things that might not yield much of a real effect

upon the effects caused by someone’s supposed behaviors.

You cannot say it was about the cereal, or about me, about him, or the desire to be a good person.

Those aspects set each other on fire.

I took care to close the bags more, less offended by him.

I subsided the angst.

Wouldn’t it be nice if my country could do the same?

Although I admit I think the right side of history is the right side,

they are stumbling so very much.

Accusing people of doing what they might not be doing can only take you so far.

That’s why no ethical system has yet to work.

It’s all about the friction between who you are and what you do.

People have already done much positive self-correction,

and that’s why they feel so offended when told they’re completely off the path of dignity.

I’d like to carry the weight of the world, until I see all the kindness unfurled.







[Purpose-Result Friction] Theory Diaries – Baby Prejudice on Reddit’s r/ActualPublicFreakouts

I saw a video featuring one protestor accusing someone else of, by virtue of their own alleged racism, having a racist baby as well.

It was frustrating to hear anyone accuse an infant of something like that,

but on the other hand, I could relate to someone trying to stifle prejudice within that human which does not know the whims of his caretakers.

And it all fell right in place with my theory.

People ache to change others who act so distanced from what it is inside of them that may bring disgrace to other people.

It is sensible to get livid at the offspring of someone who is ready to passionately defy the accusations of prejudice, because the things that people do become like their very children.

I don’t want people to do something like call a baby intolerant of other races.

But I know, deep down, there was no one in that thread who stood a chance at getting that person to regret what they called a literally helpless child.

I thought, if this person could sense the winding tension between what someone is and what they do, they’d find a way to tame that burning rage.

And they’d come closer to fixing the people who are a bit too proud of themselves for defying only the stereotypical version of ethnic resentment.

So sayeth L1 Doubledge, philosopher building a bridge

Cultural Rave – The Only Babyish Gaming Opinion

I’ve seen a lot of people argue about gaming opinions, and I almost always have at least a little respect for them.

But there’s only one opinion I can’t seem to forgive, can’t seem to respect.

“I don’t play indie games. I don’t like indie games.”

And especially when it’s said by somebody who plays a lot of goddamn video games across a whole lot of genres.

You mean to tell me that you won’t play INDIE PLATFORMER or INDIE SHOOTER or INDIE RPG or INDIE TACTICAL STRATEGY GAME…..just because it was made by some fanboy weirdos on a small budget?

These people are doing their best to capture your childhood in a bottle. Sometimes, they try to satisfy the frustrations of a fanbase by adding features into their into their game that were requested and neglected by the game devs for years and years.

Are you so offended by the notion of someone trying to pay tribute (and make profit) off of the general creative energy of someone you like? You’ll really not buy a tight-ass, well made 2d platformer made in 2013, because it’s a tacky attempt at capturing the gaming magic of 1987?

I get not wanting to buy a console from a company you don’t love. That’s kind of a commitment.

But not paying $5 to play a game you’d probably have a lot of fun with makes you look way too emotionally bonded with a corporate entity that made computer games with just as much desperate renegade ambition as the 22 year olds of today trying to hit it big on the STEAM marketplace.

You’re really like a baby crying over being held in the arms of a doctor. Like a toddler who doesn’t want to try food they haven’t eaten even if it smells good. Like a kindergartener who refuses to draw with anything other than crayons.

Except even they wouldn’t give a damn if an 8-bit video game was made 35 years ago or not.

L1’s Almanac – of Justice and Normies

FUCKING NORMIES ruin everything by being so damn normal.

Where’s their creativity, their taste, their passion for being different from everyone else?

They might make the world more boring, less inspired, but they indeed might hold society together.

If we couldn’t agree on what constitutes JUSTICE, just where would civilization be?

We all agree, pretty much, that pragmatic flexibility is not the goal of modern governance.

What makes up the laws we make should not be creative passion,

it should be a yearning for ordinary and utterly popular forms of justice.

Unfortunately, people get very creative when it comes to feeling like the exception to the laws.

And that’s the normalcy we share.

That’s what makes us try to do creative things to shape the future.

When you complain about conformity of normies,

remember that their need to feel normal

or their lack of a desire to be different

is something that glues together the peace we want to see.

But don’t let that stop you from trying to change the rules.

The normalest thing about humans

is our ability to feel secure in

breaking the rules in just the right way.

L1’s Almanac – With Regards to the A**hole Design Subreddit

Have you been to r/assholedesign?

It’s quite the satisfying and gratifying place to visit.

To complain about products that betray the functionality they seem to promise.

But does it really seem fair to call people assholes

for designing tools and food and websites and transportation

in a way that isn’t necessarily motivated

by the desire to inconvenience someone else?

Perhaps what makes you want to call someone an “asshole” isn’t their malice or recklessness or carelessness or greed.

It’s their will to be detached from their actions which is certain to result in that such inconvenience.

To call these crafters and manufacturers “assholes” is not simply to accuse them of possessing some sort of personality trait,

nor is it to call them out on being indecent enough to take no discretion in the products and services they designed.

it’s not even just to accuse them of being guilty of moments where they KIND OF choose

TO MAYBE defy their conscience, so very close and distant from being a good person.

It’s to try and find validation in the notion that it is okay to criticize someone for doing something that they might not be justifiably accused of.

Because people are always acting detached from the things they do, in order to get ahead in life.

Tell me, are you not at all, also the asshole?

Are you not, just a little, all that’s wrong with people?

Of course, you’re also all that’s right with people.

You’re trying to fix the world.

And so am I.