You’re never quite asking to change, you’re never quite asking to be validated. There’s validation in changing yourself.
When who you are is validated, the world could be changing. When you desire something, you want to feel like that desire mattered. But you also want to see what flaws might have been in your desire.
Am I the only one who sees the internet’s blues for what they are? It’s not just people wanting validation, which would be kind of tragic. It’s not just seeking change, because the internet’s too damn fun for that.
I wholeheartedly believe the internet could be the final step to making us better people. But only if someone can carry the weight. If only someone can show it off. If only someone can put the pieces together.
But it’s hard, because when you try to tell anyone that there’s something out there they don’t see, you accuse them of lacking the vision to do anything special, and to make your dreams come true in a fragmented world, by using that fragmentation willingly, is about as special as it gets.
That’s what great protagonists do. That’s what makes a hero you can’t even describe.
Am I a puzzle solver or just someone with the blues? If you could read this, could you see what I mean? Would it be so obvious, that you couldn’t possibly see me as relevant? Are you unwilling to see that one person might deconstruct what it means to feel like a protagonist?
We all know we’re not the main character, but we all feel special anyway. But what else is it we do that makes us feel like the one who could really be rising above every other person?
Am I really the first person to say this so eloquently? Is this not a theory I’ve seen before? I really haven’t seen it said before. In response to why the internet is the way it is.
You can’t connect people to actions properly, but by doing that, you change others’ dreams, which are responsible for making the future. And people always dream big, making unreasonable connections to actions and people, so somebody has to be the curator. Somebody has to be the one with the most influence. That’s why most internet arguments don’t get very far. There’s always the possibility of doing something good for someone in whatever you do, and that includes weird or unfair judgments about other people.
That’s what everyone exploits in ways that are easy to find disgusting or wholesome. And that’s the essence of actions you love, hate, laugh at, or get massively impressed by. The small spark of being a self-interested but also kind bastard managing to maneuver its ways around people and society and nature and everyone else’s dreams.
All I know is, I didn’t fail to take the proverbial shot. I didn’t sit down and do nothing. I fucking tried my best better than I ever thought I could have. And I’ll keep trying as long as I can to bring that change. A world where know what it is when we look in each other’s eyes and feel desire we can’t explain.
Only when I see real folks be as good to each other as they claim to be, will I have done what I came to do. There’s somebody I’ve got to beat, and that’s the everyman smiling at their actions and failing to be just the kind of person they think they are. So far, I’ve only beaten one of these people, and that’s my old self. I’m too much of a fighter to stop here. Too aware of how it feels to congratulate oneself imperfectly and how that’s the source of so much stuff we’d like to see get fixed once and for all.